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Tag: Writing

Your Envy is a Call to Action

Posted in Self-Care and Self-Healing

Don’t just sit there in that state of envy. And don’t push it away, smother it or put yourself down for feeling it. If you want what someone else has and it makes you feel bad, then maybe you need to take a closer look at what you really want in this life.

What dream have you been denying?

What gifts within yourself have you been ignoring?

Have you romanticised someone else’s life because you feel blocked in the creation of your own?

I used to envy artists. I felt I wanted the life of a successful artist because I loved the idea of standing at the easel in a well-lit room that looked out over a beautiful garden, creating lovely paintings, on my own, all day long. But you know, I’m not really an artist, I’m a writer.

bee on blossoms
I’m also a keen nature photographer.

So what’s the problem? Well it felt to me that it was easy for artists to be artists and that if I became a really skilled painter, then I could create that dream life. But you see, it’s much easier for me to write and the truth is, it’s not easy for anyone to live out their creative gifts to their full potential. Everyone struggles with their process as a maker of anything they feel inspired to create. Any creative pursuit requires hard work and often involves going through a whole heap of self-doubt, fear and self-loathing along the way. 

As Elizabeth Gilbert writes in her fabulous book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear; 

“Creativity is sacred, and it is not sacred. What we make matters enormously, and it doesn’t matter at all. We toil alone, and we are accompanied by spirits. We are terrified, and we are brave. Art is a crushing chore and a wonderful privilege. Only when we are at our most playful can divinity finally get serious with us. Make space for all these paradoxes to be equally true inside your soul, and I promise—you can make anything. So please calm down now and get back to work, okay? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say yes.” 

The envy I felt was misplaced because I was envying a fantasy. The person who becomes a good painter does so through lots of practice, many failures and many frustrations and in reality, they’re probably not a whole lot happier with their lives than I am. If I want to become a great writer, I must keep working at it. And bam shazam! The envy dissolves and I feel free to be myself.

See how this works?

Who do you envy? Take a good look at what it is you believe they have. Now ask yourself three questions:

  1. Is what you’re imagining they have really true, and is it the whole story?
  2. Is that what you truly want?
  3. Is what they have in any way realistic or attainable for you, in your current reality?

Because on that last point, if you’re living a pretty regular life with a mortgage and kids and bills to pay then how productive is it to envy a famous celebrity? Let’s bring it closer to home. Who among your friends do you envy, and what specifically do they have that you want? Remember, have a good think about whether they really do have what you think they do. Sometimes the appearance of wealth is actually immense debt, great relationships aren’t such a fairy tale behind closed doors and self-confidence is a mask for debilitating anxiety.

Now I’m not suggesting that we want to poke holes in other people’s happiness or doubt their authenticity but do you see what I’m getting at? It’s easier to sigh and wish we had what someone else seems to have, than it is to take the real action required to go out and create our own great lives.

We must simply begin doing what we want to do and stop making excuses about why we can’t. Because believe me, when we get out of our own way with this stuff, the universe rushes in to help.

What do you want to create in order to step free of the envy trap?

One of my special powers is to help people uncover their gifts and to blast away the blocks to their self-confidence and their courage to pursue a more fulfilling existence. Contact me for your free 15 minute chat to discover if you’d like to work with me in a three session process. Click here

The Power Of The Pen

Posted in Heal Relationships, Live From Intuition, and Self-Care and Self-Healing

Some things are better left unsaid

How about writing it out instead?

image courtesy: http://www.grahamdarby.co.uk/
image courtesy: http://www.grahamdarby.co.uk/

When we find ourselves in the midst of rapid personal growth, life can suddenly feel hostile, hard and unfair.   When strong and seemingly irrational emotions come to the surface, we might feel tempted to express them in the form of harsh criticism towards someone close to us.

Ironic isn’t it? The ones we love the most are the ones we tend to blame for our feelings of angst when we are confronting our own inner demons.

I feel what is really happening here is that as change beckons, we meet strong resistance from the part of us that wants to cling to the past for its safety and familiarity.  This part of us also wants to defend the old patterns and their accompanying feelings because these ancient relics underpin our ego and personality.

Your wise inner self is attempting to integrate a new paradigm such as; “I am always loved and supported.  Everything happening in my life is helping me to evolve and be my most authentic self”.  In response, the part of the self wedded to the old ways says; “He’ll never love me the way I should be loved, he’s flawed, the relationship is doomed. I need to tell him how wrong he is!” This might be translated as; you don’t need to change, you are feeling out of sorts because other people in your life are wicked, mean and selfish.

This is where it may be wise to pause before you speak. Grab a notepad and write out your feelings before you pick that fight or confront that loved one with the intention of asserting your needs.

The magic of journal writing can only be experienced by doing it and doing it often. Miraculous revelations and releases can be triggered simply by writing fearlessly and freely. What or who you think is at the root of all your problems often slides away as the real issues materialise before your eyes, straight from the tip of your pen.

With a bit of practice, journal writing can bring about significant emotional release and personal growth, minus the upset and trauma that airing your grievances with your partner, parent or sibling can cause.

One method of getting the writing to flow is to write as if you were writing a letter to God, your inner self, a dearly departed loved one, or a pet.  Yes, that’s right; “Dear Tiffles…. (my childhood cat). Although I’m guessing your beloved cat or dog can’t read, they are wonderful confidantes.  You know they love you unconditionally and they can’t argue with your views or disapprove of your strong language.

The reality is, when you write it all out until you are dry, solutions present themselves, new perspectives emerge and suppressed emotions are set free.  I guarantee that when you write with honesty and openness, where you started will be a world away from where you finish.

Well, perhaps things won't look quite this good. But you never know...
Well, perhaps things won’t look quite this good. But you never know…

Now I won’t pretend that this is all sunshine and roses, not at all.  But when I compare the short-lived flows of tears that have come from some of my journalling escapades, with the layers of false thinking and restricted living that I have kissed goodbye in the process, well, I think it’s an exercise worth doing.

Julia Cameron writes far more eloquently than I on this topic in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way. It’s worth a read.

In the meantime, just make time each day or so to pick up that pen and write down how you feel, it might change your life and at the very least, it could save your marriage.