Is it because we’ve been conditioned by society to externalise our thoughts and desires or, is it a natural human urge to look outside ourselves for love?
We look for it in relationships, jobs, awards, fame, money, possessions. Relationships are the biggest hook aren’t they? We live under the illusion that other people’s love will make us feel complete. It’s like a recipe; maybe fifty percent relationship love, twenty percent work achievement and social status love, twenty percent possession love and ten percent self-love? At a pinch?
It doesn’t quite work though does it. Because without a healthy dose of self-love, none of the other plausible sources of love can have an impact. It’s ironic but true.
When we’re unable to feel our own inherent worth and divine perfection, it doesn’t matter how rich we get, how
many times our partner says they love us, or even how high we climb the corporate ladder, it all feels pretty meh. And even more ironically, once we reach a healthy state of good self-regard and we’re backing it up with daily self-care and at least a couple of healthy relationships, well, we usually realise that we don’t need any of the other stuff anyway. And irony with double cream, chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top….once we don’t care that much about the other stuff, it rolls into our lives that much more easily. Bam! Who’d have thought?
In these modern lives we lead, many of us never figure this out though and the majority of us reach at least mid-life before we begin to see the truth. Until we do, it’s often a case of, “maybe this person, this house, this job, this dress, this haircut will make me feel loved, valued, validated.” Are you ready to move forward on this?
Because I get it, it’s certainly easier to point the finger at someone else for not loving us enough. “My parents were too critical.” “I loved him more than he loved me.” “Maybe if I was thinner, richer, wittier, then they would love me.” But then where does that leave us?
I’ll tell you where. It leaves us in a state of fear, insecurity and addicted to time-consuming and money-draining superficial change. And I don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but here’s my take on this: This is precisely what our society wants us to feel. The whole thrust of modern capitalist democracies is that the people work hard, spend hard, and fear everything. That way the masses become passive enough to be controlled.
Anyway, I’ll leave that hanging for now…
The bottom line is, you’re already good enough, smart enough and most probably rich enough to have an enjoyable life. When it comes to feeling loved, what’s missing are often not the external trappings of success but rather an internal awareness that we are already loved simply because we exist. So where do we get this feeling?
- Service to others
- Heartfelt connection
- Creative expression
Do you like how stillness and movement are the bookends here? We definitely need stillness but of course we also need to move our bodies. Preferably gently, enjoyably and without wearing ourselves out completely. When I go for a mindful walk in nature and sit to meditate while I’m outdoors, I’m ticking five of these boxes in an a half hour stroll.
See how easy it can be? Love really is an inside job.
If you want to talk this over with me or you’ve got some pressing questions, feel free to leave a comment below or contact me for a session by going here.
Love you lots, Tricia