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Tag: self love

Banishing Shoulds

Posted in Self-Care and Self-Healing

I received the inspiration for this article at my women’s meditation and sharing circle last night. Thank you lovely friends!

We were talking about how difficult it can sometimes be to commit to the practices and habits in our lives that we know really serve us.  You know how it is, you discover something that makes you feel happy, healthier, more relaxed or more consciously aware.  You want to do more of it and yet…..

We make excuses, we don’t make the time, we tell ourselves we’ll try again tomorrow, we slip back into old patterns.

Yoga and meditation were like this for me through my twenties and into my early thirties.  Then something changed.  It didn’t happen overnight, but ever so gradually I began to honour the urgings of my inner self and I took charge of making that weekly yoga class and a daily meditation practice high priorities in my life.

image courtesy
image courtesy

Since then, these activities have become a part of who I am and it feels more natural to be doing them than to not.

One big key to my success in this aspect of my life was realising the negative impact the word ‘should’ was having on my behaviour and eliminating it from my vocabulary.

“I should go to a yoga class” became, “I’m going to yoga this week”.  “I should make time to meditate more often” became, “I could use the time when the children are having their afternoon sleep to meditate”.

I believe that for most of us, the word, should, carries a bucket-load of negative energy and unpleasant associations.  Did anyone grow up and not hear a parent use this word multiple times a day to get us to do the tasks we dreaded or change an aspect of ourselves they disapproved of?

“You should tidy your room”, “You should do more homework”, “You should be nicer to your sister”, “You should go and visit your grandma” etcetera, etcetera.

So how do you think your inner child feels when you use ‘should’ to encourage yourself to do something that you like and you know is good for you?  I reckon that inner 12 year-old who hates hearing should, turns into a rebellious little devil and tries her darndest to sabotage your plan.  And it usually works doesn’t it.

So get rid of should and use other words like; could, will, would like to.  You get the drift, I’m sure.

Start right now.  Think of something you have been wanting to make a habit of doing in your life but have been struggling to commit to.  Then say to yourself out loud; “I should do _________ more often.”. Notice how that feels in your mind and body.

Now say to yourself; “I enjoy doing ________ and I would like to do it more often”. Notice how these words carry a lighter, more uplifting energy.

The bottom line here is that changing your vocabulary is just the beginning.  The natural getting of wisdom that comes with age, combined with a gigantic dose of self love and connection to the true self is what’s needed to combat this inner saboteur.

As you release the need to speak to yourself from the voice of a disapproving parent, the way you live will more closely mirror what your soul yearns for and your whole life will feel more free and more joyful.

Dance, sing, stretch, paint, write, speak, pray, meditate, eat and play!  Enjoy it all, for you are a child of the universe.



Simple Pleasures

Posted in Live Your Passions, and Self-Care and Self-Healing

Pink Flannel Flower Essence enhances our ability to feel deep gratitude for everything in our lives.
Pink Flannel Flower Essence enhances our ability to feel deep gratitude for everything in our lives.

I’m feeling an increase in my capacity to feel intense gratitude these last few days. This feels good as with gratitude comes joy and increased abundance.

There is greater light flooding our planet at this time but it also it feels as though the darkness in humanity currently being expressed in destructive and violent ways is more dramatically than ever, being dredged up to the surface.

It is indeed a time when gifting ourselves with greater love and care will be very beneficial in allowing us to move through this year with more peace, compassion and clarity regarding what we would like to create for ourselves. Rather than allowing ourselves to continually be dragged down into feelings of horror, distress and judgment over the actions of others around the globe.

This morning I took the 20 minute drive to our nearby big town, Busselton to do a little shopping.  As I drove home (while stopping briefly for road works in fact), I experienced a moment of intense teary-eyed gratitude that the place I now live in, is my home!  We’ve been living in Dunsborough for a bit over a year now and yet it is only in the last month that it has begun to sink in that this is actually where I live and that the way I spend my days is truly my regular life now.

The road to get here was long and sometimes arduous (click here to read about it) and I’ll admit, the move felt like a big gamble in some ways.  But I’m here to say right now to all of you, if you have a strong desire to change your life so that it reflects who you are in your soul, then keep that dream strong and trust that the universe is supporting you in every moment to bring it to fruition.

Tea and lemon and blueberry friand for one
Tea and lemon and blueberry friand for one

So, one of the ways I looked after myself this morning was to treat myself to a tea and friand at one of our lovely local cafes before I headed home after my shopping trip.  I’m mentioning this as an example of an inexpensive way we can all look after ourselves once in a while.  I’m also mentioning it because I basically never do it!  I meet up with friends for a cuppa but never do this on my own.

I really enjoyed it and will be sure to do it again.

Gifting ourselves with little treats, like; an early morning stroll, a candle-lit bath, a packet of a high quality tea, a phone call to a friend who lifts your spirits, time to paint, draw, sing, dance, read, anything you love and that makes you feel ‘you’, allows us to re-connect with our soul and re-charges our batteries.

If you do something lovely for yourself every day I guarantee you will sail through the washing, shopping and cleaning up that much more smoothly.

Just ask into your heart every morning when you wake, what can I do today that will make my soul sing? The answer will come if you let it.

Love is all.


Posted in Heal Relationships



Have you ever found yourself wondering why another isn’t more generous in showing their love for you?

And then you realised…

There’s really no such thing as an other. It all begins, and ends with you.


It’s true, people will love us as we love them.

But also, as we love ourselves.


So, open your heart. Love and care for yourself,


Red Lily Mama