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Tag: confidence

Your Envy is a Call to Action

Posted in Self-Care and Self-Healing

Don’t just sit there in that state of envy. And don’t push it away, smother it or put yourself down for feeling it. If you want what someone else has and it makes you feel bad, then maybe you need to take a closer look at what you really want in this life.

What dream have you been denying?

What gifts within yourself have you been ignoring?

Have you romanticised someone else’s life because you feel blocked in the creation of your own?

I used to envy artists. I felt I wanted the life of a successful artist because I loved the idea of standing at the easel in a well-lit room that looked out over a beautiful garden, creating lovely paintings, on my own, all day long. But you know, I’m not really an artist, I’m a writer.

bee on blossoms
I’m also a keen nature photographer.

So what’s the problem? Well it felt to me that it was easy for artists to be artists and that if I became a really skilled painter, then I could create that dream life. But you see, it’s much easier for me to write and the truth is, it’s not easy for anyone to live out their creative gifts to their full potential. Everyone struggles with their process as a maker of anything they feel inspired to create. Any creative pursuit requires hard work and often involves going through a whole heap of self-doubt, fear and self-loathing along the way. 

As Elizabeth Gilbert writes in her fabulous book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear; 

“Creativity is sacred, and it is not sacred. What we make matters enormously, and it doesn’t matter at all. We toil alone, and we are accompanied by spirits. We are terrified, and we are brave. Art is a crushing chore and a wonderful privilege. Only when we are at our most playful can divinity finally get serious with us. Make space for all these paradoxes to be equally true inside your soul, and I promise—you can make anything. So please calm down now and get back to work, okay? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say yes.” 

The envy I felt was misplaced because I was envying a fantasy. The person who becomes a good painter does so through lots of practice, many failures and many frustrations and in reality, they’re probably not a whole lot happier with their lives than I am. If I want to become a great writer, I must keep working at it. And bam shazam! The envy dissolves and I feel free to be myself.

See how this works?

Who do you envy? Take a good look at what it is you believe they have. Now ask yourself three questions:

  1. Is what you’re imagining they have really true, and is it the whole story?
  2. Is that what you truly want?
  3. Is what they have in any way realistic or attainable for you, in your current reality?

Because on that last point, if you’re living a pretty regular life with a mortgage and kids and bills to pay then how productive is it to envy a famous celebrity? Let’s bring it closer to home. Who among your friends do you envy, and what specifically do they have that you want? Remember, have a good think about whether they really do have what you think they do. Sometimes the appearance of wealth is actually immense debt, great relationships aren’t such a fairy tale behind closed doors and self-confidence is a mask for debilitating anxiety.

Now I’m not suggesting that we want to poke holes in other people’s happiness or doubt their authenticity but do you see what I’m getting at? It’s easier to sigh and wish we had what someone else seems to have, than it is to take the real action required to go out and create our own great lives.

We must simply begin doing what we want to do and stop making excuses about why we can’t. Because believe me, when we get out of our own way with this stuff, the universe rushes in to help.

What do you want to create in order to step free of the envy trap?

One of my special powers is to help people uncover their gifts and to blast away the blocks to their self-confidence and their courage to pursue a more fulfilling existence. Contact me for your free 15 minute chat to discover if you’d like to work with me in a three session process. Click here

Shine like a Little Child

Posted in Live From Intuition, and Live Your Passions

April at four, all dressed up to wave to the crowds in the Fremantle Festival Parade

It’s been raining here in Dunsborough today.  Our first proper rainy day since moving to the south west.  The Easter weekend is almost upon us and that also means the end of term one for the kids.

This afternoon April’s class held a little talent show with the kids coming up with their own acts.  Our natural performer daughter featured in four items including a solo dance and a solo song.  She loves the experience of putting on a show and although was a little nervous about singing solo in front of a crowd for the first time, she stood up, took a deep breath and plunged in.

I wish for her that she retains this self-confidence and joy in doing what she loves as she grows older.

Do you remember having that sort of confidence in doing what you loved as a child?

I used to love singing and dancing on my own or with a girlfriend in our lounge room when I was April’s age but I would have sooner died than performed “Dancing Queen” in front of an actual audience!

I continued to enjoy dancing and music all through my school years but as a young teenager became painfully aware that if I let my light shine too brightly, I would attract the attention of the nasty girls at school and that I would be bullied.  So, I still performed with my friends when we had the opportunity but I learned to tone things down, to play it safe, not stand out too much.

This must be a really big life lesson for me because I feel I am still learning it through April.  I love her exuberance and spirit and I’m proud of how confident she is and yet at times I also internally cringe just a little when she stands up the straightest and sings the loudest.  My heightened sensitivity to what other people might be thinking kicks in super-strong and I worry that the other girls won’t like her if she is always the “star” of the show.

What I realised watching her today is that all the kids just accept her as she is.  Her Dad and I keep her grounded by not making too big a deal of it and subtly mentioning that everyone is good at different things.

Her teacher was generous in letting her perform in so many different acts. Her words when I thanked her were:  “Well, it was up to the kids, it was her chance to shine”.

It seems to me that for many of us adults, life has dulled our shine and has even caused us to forget what our gifts and talents are.

I feel that finding our way back to our child-like, joyous selves through remembering what we love to do and doing it brings all the meaning and pleasure back into our lives.  Sonia Choquette teaches this in her work.

I love to dance, sing, draw, bake and write so that’s what I make sure I do, often and with joy in my heart.

What have you left behind in childhood that you used to love?

Stomp in a puddle today!

Love to you all,

Tricia