I tell my kids they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. And yes, I really believe they can.
What I often find myself wondering though is, can we be what we want to be on the inside as well as creating the lives we want to have on the outside? On the outside I’m a mother, wife, counsellor/healer, housekeeper, bush-walker, meditator, writer and yoga devotee. On the inside I want to be mellow, chilled out and easy-going. I want to hear myself using terms like “no worries”, “no problems”, “I’m easy” and “that’s cool with me”. This, I’m still working on.
Now nearly half-way through my life, I suspect it’s actually harder to change how we feel within ourselves than to achieve the external successes we all strive so hard for, you know, the job, the car, the house, the marriage, the kids and the annual holiday.
In fact, maybe accumulating all the trappings of what many of us regard as a ‘regular life’ actually prevents us from achieving inner peace, wisdom and enlightenment. How many of us have used the distractions of career striving, relationship dramas and money worries to avoid examining how we are truly feeling deep down inside?
I’ve always had a natural interest in self-analysis and self-improvement. I guess it’s what lead me to study psychology,learn meditation and read countless self-help books over the past two decades starting with Louise L. Hay when I was still a teen.
So have I managed to change my slightly tense, perfectionist and ever so mildly control-freakish nature at all?
Moving to the country 18 months ago to live a slower paced, more relaxed lifestyle has highlighted to me that although my intentions and desires to live a cruisey life and become a chilled out wife and mum are strong, there is this other layer of me that keeps bobbing back up to the surface like a ping pong ball in a swimming pool.
I still get down on myself when the washing has piled up, the floors are dirty and I have no clients booked in for a week. I still work myself into a complete pickle when the kids run even two minutes late for class and feel daily guilt about allowing my daughter to indulge in her hour of TV after school.
Do I sound confused?
Or, perhaps we can be everything?
Yes, that’s it! Maybe I can be organised, punctual, healthy, disciplined and productive AS WELL AS…(drum roll please), chilled out, calm and cool as a cucumber (or kangaroo).
People say we all mellow with age and yes, I’ve observed this truth in many aged relatives (not all). But I’m sorry to say I’m not content to ride out the next 20 or 30 years waiting for gentle circumspection and sage-like wisdom to settle over me like a multi-coloured crocheted lap rug. I want to be mellow now, immediately, without delay!
Hmmm, I guess I’ll just have to do my best to let it all go and feel happy with how I am right now. Loving it all is the key to being it all. Plus, being a human living one of these ‘regular’ sorts of lives doesn’t really lend itself to being perfectly calm and easy-going at all times, that’s just not realistic. Much to learn.
Thanks for listening. Bless you and all your wishes, hopes and desires.