You know you’re here to grow and change right? But are you like me? Do you find it hard to evolve without feeling that everything that came before this new fresh moment has been wrong?
When we make those sudden leaps of growth and suddenly see how flawed our thinking has been, it’s very tempting to judge ourselves harshly.
We all go through times of rapid transition and evolution.
Sometimes it makes my head spin.
One minute we’re rolling down a road we set out on years ago, and then suddenly, we come to a screeching halt, look back, look forward and decide to take a left turn.
Then, not surprisingly we come over all self-critical. We sometimes question why we were ever on that dusty old road to begin with. “What was I thinking?”, we say to ourselves.
Any first marriages spring to mind? Mine does
Then we spend energy and time pointlessly beating ourselves up over all the past decisions, plans, beliefs and dreams that failed to make us happy. It’s so easy to see how wrong we were. But where would we truly be without having taken that risk, forded that river, climbed that hill?
Is looking back with regret really helping us to enjoy life? No, I feel it undermines the new life we are aiming to create and more…
My top five reasons why it’s so important to stop indulging in self-criticism when we evolve:
- It prevents us from acknowledging how far we’ve come and celebrating our successes
- It keeps us stuck in the past and unable to enjoy the present
- It deters us from continuing to improve our lives because we become fearful of making a mistake
- It stops us gleaning the gold from the tough times we’ve experienced and being able to forgive
- It reduces our capacity for self-love and self-compassion
Your marriage ended. So what? Your business failed. So what? You didn’t get your dream job? So what?…..You learned some cool things right? You certainly evolved.
Life’s not about being perfect, being right all the time or having 100% clear foresight.
The people who play it safe and stick with the decisions they made in their early twenties only because breaking out of that world feels way too risky, are the ones who end up unhappy later in life.
Those of us who run headlong into adventure, change, new experiences and new ideas on how to live are the ones who I see thriving and living more vibrant, engaged, fulfilling lives. Mistakes and failures are all part of the ride.
So to wind this up, let’s look at the alternatives. As I see it we have three choices:
- Never change
- Change and beat ourselves up about getting it wrong the first time around
- Change and celebrate our freedom and flexibility to be adaptable.
Easy choice right?
Much love, Tricia