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Tag: relationships

Why Are We Afraid of Being Soft?

Posted in Self-Care and Self-Healing

To be soft, yielding, gentle, quiet, accepting, open, innocent, trusting….

They’re not qualities we value so much these days.

Our culture seems to value their opposites – tough, strong, critical, resilient, decisive, assertive, cynical and street-wise.  It’s the yin and yang, the feminine and masculine at their extremes.

Because of course we can be soft and strong, quiet and assertive, gentle and tough.

Yes indeed. Think of a rose – soft and delicate petals with tough leaves and strong, thorn-laden stems. Nature at its most wondrous.

I feel we’ve forgotten the value of softness.

Softness is love, warmth, praise, compassion, open-mindedness, trust, vulnerability, acceptance, appreciation…

Just think about it, when you’re with your family, is the mood one of softness or hardness?  Could there be a softening?  Would it feel better?  Would it allow more love in?

When I’m quick to assert an opinion, make a judgement, defend myself or speak without really listening, I’m not adding a loving presence.  I’m certainly not bonding more closely with the people I love. If anything, I’m holding them at a distance.

If I could just soften a little, slow things down, be more gentle and open:

Would people walk all over me?

Would I lose my way?

Would I be diminished in my effectiveness, my productivity?

Would I count for less?

The archetype of the soft and loving mother has become an anachronism.  She disappeared out of fear and shame in the face of a masculine-oriented world.  The gentler feminine qualities were subjected to ridicule and derision. It became an insult to be soft.  Toughness and boldness became the goal.

The harshness of the world has taken this quality away from us, men and women both.

We’re hard on ourselves.  We’re taught to compare and compete against others from a young age.  We’re taught it’s a dog eat dog world – you’d better get the prize before your neighbour does.

Try harder, do better next time, don’t let yourself down, toughen up, keep going, don’t give up, don’t be so soft.

You got this!

I want to break it all down and let it go and not just because it doesn’t feel good….also because it doesn’t work.

I don’t do better when I strive harder, are more critical of myself or more uncompromising.  It just makes me freeze up and feel panicked.  I’ve always been sensitive to stress. When I was a student I had performance-stunting anxiety in exams, became mentally scattered and unfocused under deadline pressure and would end up ill after prolonged periods of emotional strain and busyness.

I do not thrive under pressure.

Does anyone really?  I suspect we get addicted to the adrenaline rush and the ego-trip of being so busy we haven’t got time to scratch ourselves.  I’m busy and stressed, therefore, I’m important.

Of course having some degree of structure and discipline is essential for getting things done but do we really need to harangue ourselves into feeling a slave to every task, overwhelmed and a failure?

So where does that leave us?  I feel we’re starved of self-love and self-compassion.  Danielle Laporte raises this point in her new book White Hot Truth…check out some excerpts here.

We’re all trying so hard to be too much to too many people and it hurts.

What if we just softened a little?

I’d love to hear your thoughts….

For sessions with me click here and give me a call to book your FREE 15 minute consultation.

You’re Not Wrong and Neither Are They

Posted in Heal Relationships

We think we’re aware right?  We think we know ourselves and all our foibles pretty well by now. Yes?

Well I’m sorry to say this, and of course I’m speaking just for myself here 🙂 , but I feel many of us still have a long way to go before we can claim any sort of seniority in the AWARENESS stakes…

Find yourself complaining about certain people in your life?

Still have one or two family members that really know how to push your buttons?

Get so caught up in your reaction to what someone has said or done that you aren’t able to be the compassionate person you are deep down?

Welcome to humanity, I guess…AND also, we are making some progress aren’t we?

Well you know and I know that this month of December right here, right now, is THE month of the year for family get-togethers and family explosions (either silently muffled or loudly proclaimed). Bring it on I say.

What I find in my sessions with the gorgeous humans who come and sit with me each day, is that while we may understand we are always an active participant in any unhappy happenings between ourselves and others, it’s far easier to just want the other person to change.

True growth and freedom begins with the realisation that in some way or another, that person you are cursing and criticizing is actually being of service to you via their behaviour. And it’s often those we love the most and have most meaning to us that have the power to really tick us off.

What they are showing us is usually one of the following things:

  • An aspect of ourselves that we may benefit from embracing and loving instead of denying and condemning.
  • An unmet need from long ago that we can most often meet for ourselves rather than demanding they meet it.
  • A strong fear or belief we are suppressing and projecting onto them as an excuse for not confronting it. For example; “Oh no, we couldn’t possibly go on an overseas holiday, Mary is such a scrooge.”
  • A demonstration of how we don’t honour and respect ourselves enough with regard to speaking our truth, looking after our own well-being or saying ‘no’ to the things we don’t want to do.
  • A need of theirs to feel heard, more valued, acknowledged or forgiven by you. Maybe this will smooth the way?

Here’s a little exercise we can all do this holiday season to bring a greater sense of peace and calm to every interaction: Notice how you are feeling, acknowledge it and ask yourself this beautiful question posed by Neale Donald Walsch.

“What would love do now?”

Coming from this perspective can only soothe us and return us to our gentle selves where we are more able to breathe, welcome the realities of others and bless them for their humanness.

Also, make time and space for yourself in the coming weeks to go outdoors alone, take a rest during the day or just doing any small or big thing that makes you feel nurtured and relaxed.

Being in nature is my best therapy, just look at this cute ball of fluffy baby bird I photographed just outside our home this morning. So sweet.

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When all is said and done, just be yourself and let others be themselves and love will be the victor.

For some personal assistance with all of this relationship stuff, read about my session work here and feel free to phone or email me so we can get to know each other a little before your appointment.

Many blessings, Tricia

 

 

 

Staying Together – Our Story So Far…

Posted in Heal Relationships

My husband and I have been together for a whopping twenty years this year and gosh it’s been a rich and varied ride.

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When I cast my mind back to us as naive and fresh-faced twenty-five year-olds moving into our rented two-bedroom unit with no money in the bank and one decent car between us, I see two kids in love and bursting to tackle life head-on together.

I won’t bore you with a detailed history of our whole twenty years.  Let’s just say there’s been lots of ups, plenty of downs but mostly regular, normal life just sort of chugging along.  No complaints though because our ‘normal’ would be considered paradise on steroids for many people living in other lands.

Fast forward to now and we’ve got so much to be grateful for:

A very cool and relaxed lifestyle by the ocean in a very nice holiday town, two gorgeous kids both on the verge of teenager-dom, healthy bodies, great friends and loving families, work we both enjoy and financial comfort.

But how’s our relationship?

Because you know all those external trappings of success don’t guarantee nothing in this crazy world of ours.

I’ve heard first-hand about countless women just like me with, to the casual observer, everything to be happy about but for whom life feels inwardly miserable or desperately tedious.

And I guess to be honest, I came close to meeting that description around ten years ago when our kids were little.  It never became extreme but I certainly reached a point where I felt dissatisfied with my life and my husband was apportioned a reasonable or should I say, ‘unreasonable’ amount of the blame.

When I look back now I see that we were both doing our best to fulfill the roles of parents to our young family and that this put a lot of pressure on our relationship:  Hubby worked long hours and though I loved motherhood I also missed my paid work for its mental stimulation and sense of achievement.  Before too long we’d drifted onto that favoured battle ground of many young parents.  It’s called – “Who’s doing it tougher.”

These days our relationship is good.  It’s good because it’s real and honest and mature. We love one another yes, we also enjoy one another’s company as friends and we support each other in pursuing our dreams and ambitions. We have wonderfully lively conversations together and he can still make me giggle.

And of course, we also have those times when things just don’t feel good, we’re tense around one another and everything is difficult.  That’s normal right?

It’s complex. I mean raising children, earning a quid, looking after one’s own health, building good friendships, spending quality time together (without the kids) and having a sex life. There’s a lot going on there and that doesn’t include planning holidays, making big career changes, moving to new places and buying and selling homes, all of which we’ve done in the last three years.

So anyway, our relationship has gotten to this point of maturity and longevity for many reasons, but I think one key element has been that I worked out (at around that ten year mark), that I needed to get over the idea that he or anyone else – including my children – was put on this earth to make me happy.

I took full responsibility for making myself happy by doing things I loved each day and by cultivating a deeper and stronger feeling of love and acceptance for myself.  It began with daily meditation and a weekly yoga class and was followed by lots and lots of journal writing, studies in kinesiology and flower essence therapy, some amazing self-help and spiritual books and some great healing sessions with some amazing women I met along the way.

My husband was of course right there by my side supporting me and I also had some wonderful friends and my Mum to talk things over with.  But really it’s been up to me to choose between the many pathways to travel and to make the clear and simple choice each day to love myself a little more and put myself first in my life.

Once I realised that I didn’t need to wait for anyone else’s approval, because it was already there dwelling within me, I began blossoming in so many new ways.

The story continues…

If you feel you could benefit from some extra support to embark on your new path of loving and accepting yourself more, I’m available for telephone and Skype sessions to help you along the way.  Just click here and then contact me for a chat.  Much love, Tricia

A New Year Blessing

Posted in Heal Relationships, Self-Care and Self-Healing, and Trust The Universe

Can you be spiritually aware and also a real person?

Well can you?  It seems to me there’s some confusion here born out of the ‘new spirituality’ and ‘law of attraction’ movements.

How do we reconcile love and compassion for All with our natural human feelings of frustration, anger, grief, disappointment and irritation.  Not to mention those moments when you blurt out a hurtful comment or completely fail to empathise with someone else’s situation.  Yes, that was me (on both counts) with a couple of my nearest and dearest in just the last few weeks.

How we recover from and make sense of these moments is what sets us apart from those who unconsciously waltz on through life without so much as a backward glance or worse, who defend their behaviour by making those around them wrong and themselves right.

And no I don’t mean we’re better, I just mean we’re awake in our intention to be the best we can be and to continue to grow in our capacity to be a beacon of love and acceptance to all around us.  Isn’t that what you want? It’s what I want.

So as we surge forward into this new year, filled with gratitude for all we’ve experienced and been present to in 2014, I just want you to know, it’s okay to be a regular, normal, up and down, wrong and right, happy and sad human being while travelling your semi-enlightened path.

“The enlightened are not perfect, they just know how to follow their inner wisdom and to trust that whatever unfolds in their personal relationships and interactions with the general public is happening for deeper and more magical reasons than any of us are meant to understand.”

Even though our intentions may be pure, we will still stuff up occasionally and hurt those we love.  It really is all good.  Say sorry, bless the moment with love and light and move on knowing that all have benefited in some way from what happened.

My son and I at my bother's wedding this year - a highlight for 2014
Me and my son at my brother’s wedding this year – a highlight for 2014
A New Year Blessing

“I intend for you to forgive yourself as you would a little child as you say farewell to this year.  You are innocent, you are doing your best and you are always loved, no matter what.”

A new year is a fresh start.  Make sure you devote some time in the next few days to sit in a meditative state and visualise an eternal violet flame shining within your being.  This is your true essence and your gift from Spirit.

I can’t wait for 2015.  I have big visions for expanding my successful inner guidance coaching business, publishing my book on how to access your inner guidance and offering a series of meditations featuring the chakras as they relate to our natural world.  Not to mention the continuation of my local women’s meditation circle and my new women’s healing dance class.  I’m going to be busy, happy, healthy, balanced and prosperous. How about you?

If you’d like some spot-on help with creating your vision for 2015, contact me to talk over investing in one of my coaching programs.  I’d love to connect with you. <3

 

 

 

Three Tips for Keeping Calm this Christmas

Posted in Heal Relationships, Live From Intuition, and Trust The Universe

You can feel something shifting, can’t you.

We’re coming to the close of 2014 and this is our opportunity to reflect, release and realise how far we’ve come this year.

The Australian native we call a Christmas tree.
The Australian native we call a Christmas tree <3

Celebrate that you are still here and breathing.  Breathe in, breathe out…

Go softly into the coming year.  Be gentle on yourself and know that as you grow into greater love with who you are, your world will expand and your potential for your bigger life will be realised.  Allow that this may happen quickly or slowly, in a steady or a stop and start manner, or for a long while it may feel as though nothing is happening at all…

Be assured, all that you need is present in your life in every moment:  That problem with the computer, the package that hasn’t arrived, the friends running late to meet you at the restaurant, the lack of energy just when you had a long list of tasks to get through.  It’s all there for you.

When we embrace the truth that life is always guiding and gifting us with precisely what we are ready to face, it all feels so much more calm and easy.

See if you can look at whatever you are presented with on Christmas Day with this kind of open-hearted trust. And you know I’m not talking about the presents you unwrap, I’m talking about the people you spend the day with and how they present themselves from your perspective.

Remember, we all are here with our own pathway to travel, they’re not deliberately trying to upset or annoy you, they are your wonderful family and they are part of your life for very mysterious and magical reasons.  We all serve one another in many ways as we work through (or even settle into) our own dysfunction.

Also, please remember, you have free will.  You may feel obligated to spend time with certain people at this time of year and if that leaves you feeling drained, triggered or angry and resentful, then perhaps you’ll make a different choice next time.  You have the power to choose who you socialise with, no matter what the occasion.

So here are my three simple tips for being in your own integrity and staying calm this festive season:

Number one – Be mindful of who you commit to spending time with and find a positive reason to be with those whom you choose. If you can’t find a good reason to be there, bow out graciously.  Feelings of obligation and guilt have no useful role in our lives (thank you Anita Moorjani).

Number two – Allow that if tensions are high in certain family dynamics, that others (and even you), may end up expressing some long-suppressed truths in what look and feel like arguments.  These moments, while unpleasant can be very cathartic and be catalysts for healing and reconciliation.  When we hold fear around them happening we may contribute to the intensity rather than prevent them.  Being outdoors for at least some time during the day together can help to calm everyone down.  Perhaps you could suggest a stroll after lunch?

Number three – Set some loving intentions for the group, for yourself and each individual prior to arriving or greeting your guests.  While we are not responsible for any other person’s behaviour, we may set the energetic tone by holding ALL in light and compassion as the day commences.

Be yourself and be kind to you.  That is your Christmas gift to your soul.

I’m available this week for appointments to help you get your year started with enthusiasm and direction.  To learn more, take a look at my Inner Guidance Coaching page and contact me for a chat.