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Tag: honesty

Five ways to tell if you’re being safe or real

Posted in Live From Intuition, and Self-Care and Self-Healing

We’re born complete. We’re born real.

We start out life as these individual sparks.  Both perfect and flawed.

Wonderful and remarkable, yet quirky and somehow not-quite-formed to those who love us.

This is where it begins…

Even in the womb we’re absorbing information.  Feeling and sensing who we might be.  Then we come out into the world and we begin taking stock, tallying the facts as we see them and adjusting our responses.

Managing our image.

Who we start to become is still us, it’s just that, well, we can’t help but be partly molded and shaped by what we experience, who we spend time with each day and what they think and feel.

And don’t get me wrong, none of this is a mistake, none of it’s wrong or anything other than what our soul ordered from the cosmos when we deigned to alight on this here planet of ours.

It’s just that sometimes we end up forgetting lots about who we really are.

We grow up and blindly become a version of our parents or we follow a set of beliefs gained from family, church, school or culture that sort of feels correct but scrape the surface just a smidge and it can suddenly all feel like someone else’s ill-fitting suit.

You know what I mean? We reach maybe 26, and wake up one day in a career, relationship, town, crime gang, religious cult or all of the above and think, “How did I get here?”.

We get the urge to wriggle free and escape.

But oh the temptation to remain safe and approved of.  It’s mighty powerful.

Why rock the raft or bite the hand?

It might feel scary and cause some consternation among those who wish we would stay the same (cos then they can stay safe too), but believe me, the open road beats the prison cell any day.

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Let’s get down to tin tacks.

Here are five ways you can find out if you’re being real in your life:

  1. If you feel completely at ease and good about yourself when you spend time with your closest friends and you don’t need to dress a certain way or talk a certain way in order to fit in – good job, you’re keeping things real.
  2. If you have a job where your work mates see the same ‘you’ as your friends and family do then, you’re probably being pretty authentic.
  3. If you can look into your wardrobe and see plenty of clothes you feel good in and enjoy wearing, then you’re choosing clothing for the right reasons, i.e. you like them and buy for yourself rather than to please anyone else – that’s you being real.
  4. If you feel things are pretty fair and even in your relationship when it comes to choosing things together such as meals to cook, grocery or household items to buy, movies or television to watch, outings or holidays to enjoy – then you’re clearly expressing your preferences openly and that’s a good thing.
  5. If you’re comfortable to say no to requests or invitations from friends and family sometimes because what they’re wanting you to do doesn’t feel right or doesn’t fit in with your desires or plans AND you feel totally relaxed and comfortable with doing this, then right on! You are really rocking this realness gig.

Tick yes to three of the above five scenarios and I would say you’re doing pretty darn good with being true to who you are.  Less than three and I’d recommend you rethink some of your automatic choices.

It’s all about how we feel:  That surge of anxiety when mum drops in for a cuppa, “Shit, is the floor clean enough?”

That sinking feeling you get when a certain couple invite you to a party and you recall not liking any of their friends….

You get the gist.

I’d love to help you with a personal session.  Simply read more here and then give me a phone call to talk it over and make your booking.

Love, Tricia

 

 

Sorry, I’m a Recovering People Pleaser – The Five Signs

Posted in Live Your Passions

Ever get the feeling you’ve moved into a whole new territory in your life and it doesn’t feel all that comfortable?

It’s possibly been a while, maybe years even, but some time ago I realised just doing something because it would keep everyone else in my life happy, rather than doing it cos I wanted to was really not a great way to live.

Thing is though. It might sound more desirable to not care what others think and just be really focused on being true to ourselves and our own needs, but living it is not that simple, is it?

And you know I’m not talking about becoming a completely selfish and self-centred “b” word. I’m just saying it’s better in life to be clear about what works for us in terms of how we serve others and how we choose to spend our time. There is absolutely no value in running around doing for others and becoming just a teensy bit resentful in the process, if it’s not meeting our own needs in some way.

Okay, I’ll stop being vague and theoretical. Here’s an example:

Just the other day I received one of those sweet but slightly annoying Facebook chain messages (they used to come via email) from someone I genuinely like and admire. I appreciated the sentiments in the message and don’t doubt the sincerity of the person who sent it. But you know what? I can’t bring myself to pass these message on to the requisite number of people as instructed. Call me lazy, stubborn or mean, I just can’t do it.

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Okay, here’s a confession: I have never participated in an email recipe sharing chain. There, I’ve said it.

And even though this isn’t the first time I’ve faced this dilemma, I wrestled with the decision for quite some time before letting it go.

Why? I hear you ask.

Well it’s because I love being liked and I hate receiving disapproval, even if it’s only imagined disapproval and the actual person never even expresses it to me. I regularly make the assumption that people think I’m awful for not complying one hundred percent to their expectations.

Is it just me that does this?

So to everyone I know and love, I’ll say it right here…I’m sorry if I accidentally offend or upset you by not doing what you expect or desire me to do.

I’m sorry but I’m also not sorry because it’s about time people like me stopped storing resentment and guilt like hidden badges of honour because we go out of our way to make sure we are liked in favour of protecting our own happiness and health.

“To thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare

No sure if you’re a people pleaser?  Here’s five signs you might need a re-think on how you handle requests from others:

  1. You find yourself saying yes to invitations and requests when your inner voice is screaming “NO!”
  2. Your life is too busy to make time for exercise, relaxation and fun.
  3. You find yourself feeling annoyed when people for ask you for help.
  4. You feel as though your efforts to help others aren’t really acknowledged or appreciated.
  5. You often spend time worrying about whether you’ve said or done the right thing after spending time with friends and family.

If you answered, ‘yep’, to four out of five of these signs, then I would say you’re a natural born people pleaser. Do not fear though, help is at hand.

Simply begin pausing before you say yes, tune into your inner self and make sure this is really what,you want to do. And secondly, release the fear of disapproval.  Your true friends and close family will still love you and they may even admire you more if you say no now and again.

Feel like talking it over with me in a coaching session?  Take a look here and contact me for a chat before you make your appointment.

Much love, Tricia