Some things are better left unsaid
How about writing it out instead?
When we find ourselves in the midst of rapid personal growth, life can suddenly feel hostile, hard and unfair. When strong and seemingly irrational emotions come to the surface, we might feel tempted to express them in the form of harsh criticism towards someone close to us.
Ironic isn’t it? The ones we love the most are the ones we tend to blame for our feelings of angst when we are confronting our own inner demons.
I feel what is really happening here is that as change beckons, we meet strong resistance from the part of us that wants to cling to the past for its safety and familiarity. This part of us also wants to defend the old patterns and their accompanying feelings because these ancient relics underpin our ego and personality.
Your wise inner self is attempting to integrate a new paradigm such as; “I am always loved and supported. Everything happening in my life is helping me to evolve and be my most authentic self”. In response, the part of the self wedded to the old ways says; “He’ll never love me the way I should be loved, he’s flawed, the relationship is doomed. I need to tell him how wrong he is!” This might be translated as; you don’t need to change, you are feeling out of sorts because other people in your life are wicked, mean and selfish.
This is where it may be wise to pause before you speak. Grab a notepad and write out your feelings before you pick that fight or confront that loved one with the intention of asserting your needs.
The magic of journal writing can only be experienced by doing it and doing it often. Miraculous revelations and releases can be triggered simply by writing fearlessly and freely. What or who you think is at the root of all your problems often slides away as the real issues materialise before your eyes, straight from the tip of your pen.
With a bit of practice, journal writing can bring about significant emotional release and personal growth, minus the upset and trauma that airing your grievances with your partner, parent or sibling can cause.
One method of getting the writing to flow is to write as if you were writing a letter to God, your inner self, a dearly departed loved one, or a pet. Yes, that’s right; “Dear Tiffles…. (my childhood cat). Although I’m guessing your beloved cat or dog can’t read, they are wonderful confidantes. You know they love you unconditionally and they can’t argue with your views or disapprove of your strong language.
The reality is, when you write it all out until you are dry, solutions present themselves, new perspectives emerge and suppressed emotions are set free. I guarantee that when you write with honesty and openness, where you started will be a world away from where you finish.
Now I won’t pretend that this is all sunshine and roses, not at all. But when I compare the short-lived flows of tears that have come from some of my journalling escapades, with the layers of false thinking and restricted living that I have kissed goodbye in the process, well, I think it’s an exercise worth doing.
In the meantime, just make time each day or so to pick up that pen and write down how you feel, it might change your life and at the very least, it could save your marriage.